


Hero of War

by february0298



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Blood, Depression, Kidnapping, Mind Games, Multi, Post-Sburb (No Scratch) Sort of, Rescue, Torture, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-03-15
Updated: 2012-06-12
Packaged: 2017-11-01 23:31:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/362491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/february0298/pseuds/february0298
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Jade Harley, an Army Veteran, is still grieving the death of her husband and stumbles upon an old friend of hers, who convinces her to help save some of her "forgotten" friends in an epic--sort of--tale that involves a new love, explicit battles, and something else that is VERY unexpected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Have You Seen the World?

Jade spent her days sprawled out on her uncomfortable bed, staring at the incredibly bland ceiling. Occasionally, she would get up and check her computer for any signs of John on Pesterchum, but he never seemed to be on anymore. He was married and had kids of his own to take care of, last Jade heard. He never had time for her anymore. His own ecto-sister.

Rose was a lost cause. She was reported missing awhile back ago, maybe ten years. But Jade and the kids knew where she was. Alternia, where she could finally be with her "destined" matesprit.

As for Dave... She'd rather not think about it.

 

~~

 

You're name was Jade Harley, and everything hurt.

In a good way, though, you were pretty sure. You're never positive about "knowing" anything anymore. You finally got to have a chat with John over the phone after nearly five years, and your chest hurt from the feeling of talking to your estranged brother.

His oldest kid was a whopping thirteen years of age, and he informed you that he and Vriska were no longer together. Talk about out-of-touch. So he was pretty much shacking up with a new love interest. Who happened to be a guy.

"Whatever happened to being a heterosexual?" You asked, but it was more of a joke than actually being serious.

His answer, however, was filled with sincere love and affection. "He changed my path, Jade. I swing both ways, now. Ha, ha. That actually sounded less corny in my head." Rustling in the background. He was scratching the back of his head, you concluded. "But enough about me. What have _you_ been doing for the past five years?"

You sighed for the first time in months. You didn't want to tell John how miserable you've been since... Since...

You don't even know how long it's been anymore, and it scares you.

You were an Army Veteran though, so you didn't let your anxiety show when you spoke into the reciever again. The only thing that was noticeable was that your hands were shaking slightly. "Boring. Nothing goes on over here in Payne Springs."

You heard laughter on the other end. He didn't even know how serious you really were. "Why did you retire, then? You could be a famous General right now, for all that your skills in weilding guns are worth!" He still sounded just as cheerful as when he was just thirteen years old, playing a seemingly bullshit game that ended up changing all your lives forever.

"I dunno. I guess it just wasn't for me." You never told anyone the real reason why you got out of the army real quick. And you didn't ever plan on telling anyone. The secret goes with you to the grave. And then some. "I was pretty much suffering from Post Traumatic Stress by the time I got outta there. And I _was_ a General, for the record." Great, you were sporting the slang you learned to talk with when you got nervous.

John didn't seem to notice, though. "I'm sorry to hear that, Jade." He sounded so concerned your heart yearned for something you shied away from for so many years. Love. You missed loving someone so much your chest pretty much was in flames. You missed it. You wanted to drink unplatonic love in so bad you nearly passed out just from wanting so bad.

"John. I'm not sad or broken. I don't need to be fixed. I promise."

"But Dave--"

"I don't want to talk about him right now, okay? Please spare me the heartache, John. I can't. I just... Can't." And then you snapped the phone shut with a click.

A normal person would have felt bad for hanging up on their own brother. But not you. Nope. John understood why you couldn't possibly talk about someone so important so soon. Actually, it's been awhile since.... Since.

God. You simply cannot think about this right now.

The sun was still up, so you hauled your ass up out of bed and sauntered down the stairs of your empty house to make a cup of coffee that you never really liked to drink. It kept you awake, though. It prevented you from dreaming.

Dreaming never did anyone any good anyway, right? You stared at yourself in the mirror of your downstairs bathroom. You looked like shit. And usually you were good at lying to yourself. Maybe you looked like so much of a Hot Mess--minus the Hot--that your mind didn't want to play tricks on you anymore.

Had you become that pathetic? You came into this world as a nice yet skilled girl with an attitude that would have anyone left smiling. You were even a good leader in combat. Karkat would have been so proud. If only you knew where he was. But now? No, now you're a snarky bitch that can't get over her self-pity long enough to actually get a nice life out of the effort of trying.

Your forehead bumped the cool glass that stared back at you. Expectant. What did it want? What would you do? How would you get away from yourself? Did you actually want a better life, or were you just lying to yourself yet again?

You searched your own green eyes in your reflection, but the irises gave nothing away.

You found yourself drawing your fist back and connecting it with your mirror before your conscious mind even knew what was happening. You felt the red ooze down from your knuckles to the sink, rolling down your mirror. It would leave a stain for sure, and you didn't even care.

You stayed like this, fist still on slightly cracked--destroyed--glass, until you heard an unexpected, hesitant knock on the front door. You almost jumped from how loud the knock was. But then again, you hadn't heard any noise since you talked to John, which was hours ago.

When you opened the door, your out-of-place vibrant smile cracked from how neglected the muscles that were used so many times in the past were.


	2. "That Sounds Pretty Good"

The door swung open with a big _whoosh_ , and I smiled at the person--or troll--I saw leaning against the doorframe. He had wings, surprisingly, but it fit his image so well I almost choked from the overwhelming beauty. The atmosphere seemed thick enough to cut with a knife, however. Tavros Nitram's unexpected, yet strangely appreciated visit must have been urgent.

"General Nitram! Nice to see you well. And with wings." My smile softened for some reason. Oh yes, I was talking to an old friend of mine who happened to be in love with me for some time.

"Major General Harely." He cleared his throat. "I wish I could say the same about you." He peered his head farther into the ajar door, in which I huffed.

My smiled faltered. And Nitram knew that. My life had dampened, and he was the only being that knew about my secret. "I'm doing just fine."

"Really."

"Yes!" That statement sounded defensive, even to me. "I mean. I know that a patch in my life was torn away from me, but I'm sewing the gap back up as we speak!"

"Well, I suppose I should come inside."

As I opened the door wider, stepping aside to let my guest into my house, I forced another smile on my face. The facial expression seemed foreign, so I contorted my features into a well-known scowl. "Would you like some coffee? I was about to make some. Gosh, I'm so hungry." I said absently, trying to fill the gaps of the awkward one-sided conversation.

"When was the last time you ate?" The retired General with wings asked.

_Humorous_.

"Thursday."

"That was almost three days ago!"

"I know, geeze! It's just that I've been so caught up in staring at the ceiling of my bedroom for so long I totally forgot to eat for a few days. No biggy." And yet, it was a biggy because strong arms encircled me and I felt hot tears stream down my face. "How bad is my life to the point where I forget to _eat_?" I said after a few minutes of painful silence, save for my sobs.

"You're still grieving, which was something I was afraid you'd be doing when I knocked on your door." He sighed, and I could feel the rumbling of air in his chest. I felt strangely content from the sensation. I never knew how much I missed my friends.

"He's gone, and it's my fault!" I wailed, sobbed, choked, slobbered. But Tavros didn't care. He didn't let go of me for one second.

"You were trying to save his life, Jade. You nearly succeded."

"But the important part is that I failed!"

"No. You did so much more than that. You saved your whole _unit_ , Harley. You lost one man. And he wasn't even supposed to be there. He was part of a whole other operation. He knew that! And he knew that he was flash-stepping straight into danger. Dave would never blame you, Jade." And then my dried tears were being wiped away from my cheeks by two rough thumbs, and I was sitting at my small-ass table, a coffee mug thrust into my shaking hands. 

"I know. But why him? Why did the love of my godforsaken life have to die?" And then I was shuddering, taking slow swigs of the expertly made coffee. I mouthed a thanks at Tavros.

"You're welcome. And I don't know. I guess it was just a twist of fate to make your life interesting."

I actually laughed at that. What a different way to put my miserable excuse for a life that has no longer a meaning. "Gosh. I'm so pathetic."

"No you aren't. At least not completely. You're just a bitter widow who never had the time to heal properly, so her broken heart was mended in a way that made you like this." He gestured at my whole body with exaggerated movements with his hands. "Jade."

"Yes?" I looked up from my mug, only to meet expectant, rust brown eyes that were crinkling at the edges. I must have been spaced out, because he sighed.

"I have something important I need to discuss with you. It involves going into combat _again_ , and I'm sure that this experience will cure your stressful demeanor, if only a little."

"What is the important issue at hand? Does it have anything to do with the army?"

"No. I mean, I don't know. All I know is that for the past ten years or so, people--our friends--have been kidnapped by the same source of people. I tried to ignore it for the sake of coincidence, but then after about half of our friends going missing, I couldn't stand here and do nothing."

"Well, what do you expect me to do?" I asked. I thought I was a lonely piece of garbage for all I was worth then. Nothing.

"Help me track down the kidnappers and put this to an end! You're very talented and useful! Won't you do it for your friends that are in need of help?" God. It was like he was reading my damn mind.

"Do you know anymore information than that?"

"Karkat is going to help me. And they got John and Rose. She never went to Alternia. They got her before she could book a flight. And now I don't know what to do. I'm worried, Jade, honest to Gog." And then rusty tears pricked at Tavros' eyes, and I couldn't say no, ever.

I wasn't that bad of a person. "Of course I'll help you! I'm not that much of a terrible person!" I reached across the table and clasped my hand with Nitram's. "Besides, I needed to get out of the house anyway. When do we start?"

"I'll come back to pick you up tomorrow. Early. In the morning. I have to find a babysitter for my daughter, because I care about her."

"You have a daughter?! Gosh! And yes, I totally understand. I might have turned cold, but my heart is still warm and beating, caring." I was honestly appalled by the way he said 'care'. I still cared about people! Didn't I?

"I'm not sure if you'll be attacked. I was this morning. I guess they tried to kidnap me too, but they obviously didn't know they were dealing with a War Veteran that carried a bowie knife wherever he went. So now I have two blood-throated guys in the basement of my house, waiting to be buried. 

"Wow. Too much info, Tav. And I'll try not to be whisked away by some dude that wants my blood. Don't worry. You must have forgotten who I was." And I smiled coyly at that, feeling a sort of warm sensation set into my gut, despite the cirumstances of the situation.

Tavros laughed at that, at least. He got up from the table. "Well, I best be going. I need to book a babysitter and now. I'll pick you up tomorrow. Be sure to be packed and ready to rock." Then he was out the door, flying high in the sky, his glittering brown wings shining in the now moonlight. He must have been here longer than I thought.

I closed the door, anticipating the next day with a few butterflies in my stomach.

 


	3. We Learned How to Fight

As soon as the door clicked shut, I heard a crack. I whirled around to stare at my door, which was making odd sounds for some reason.

_What the hell was that?_

Then it burst open, wooden specks and debris flying around everywhere. I shot my hands up instantly to cover my face. For a split second, I couldn't see anything, but one second was all I needed to see the fist flying toward my face.

I ducked down on combat instinct, and shot my leg out as the intruder bellowed over to me. Whoever it was toppled over onto the ground, clearly in a daze. They got up, which was truly a sight to see. They had incredible difficulty. _This_ is who they sent for me? 

I almost took it as an insult before I heard an audible snarl, garbled out and almost waxy sounding. They knelt down, obviously in pain. Did I kick this person _that_ hard? They shot up, lunging for my neck, and I slammed into my leather couch, hard enough to bite my tongue and have it bleed, which is what it was doing right now.

I felt them clawing at my neck, face, chest. Holy shit, was this guy _groping_ me? I kneed him in the abdomen, running over to the other side of the couch, side-kicking him, making the intruder land face first into the cushions. "Wait, wait motherfucker!" He gasped. He whined, and I heard something weird. Electric snapping, maybe? There was no such sound.

I wasn't very sure. But I was sure about one thing. The person I just heard speak was, in fact, Gamzee Makara. I stood there, completely in shock and unwilling to do anything. 

~~

"Wait, so you were forced to come here? Wearing that?" I asked, disbelieving. I pointed at the collar around his neck. But this was Gamzee, one of Tavros and Karkat's best friends in Paradox Space. "To attack me? Kill me?" I choked on the last word.

"To kidnap you, chicka." His eyes visibly darkened, his hands going rigid on the table. "I still can't believe I almost did that! Hurt you!" He was getting upset, and was clearly angry.  

"You would never hurt me, Gamzee." I laughed.

"I can't be so sure, not with me up and having no motherfucking _sopor_ in my _system_! Been sopor free for three months. It's driving me up a _motherfuckin'_ wall, girl." And he was laughing a sarcastic, breath of a laugh, completely unhumorous.

"I'm so  sorry, Gamz." I pet his hair, mindful of the horns, which towered up even more from when he was a kid, from being a grown troll.

"They did this to all of us. They put fuckin' _shock-collars_ on my _friends_ , the ungrateful motherfuckers." And then he was pacing. His lanky body looked weird like that, whipping around every few seconds, his body rigid with so much _rage_. And yet, it seemed to calm him a little. I watched him take deep breaths.

"I don't know what to do! I mean, Tavros and I are gonna go help ya'll escape--"

"Tavros talked to you today? Tell that motherfucker I said 'hi'." And then he was smiling an honest, cheerful smile. His fangs poked out from the corners of his dark mouth. I just now noticed he doesn't wear makeup all over his face anymore. He was obviously still fond of Tavros.

I reached out to touch the collar. It was cold, like metal. Maybe it _was_ metal. The smooth surface sent shivers up my spine, and Gamzee grapped my wrists, digging his claws in unconsciously. The sickly looking blood flowed, but I didn't yelp in pain. "What happened to you?" My voice sounded oddly fascinated.

"If I tell you... If she finds out! She'll, she'll--" His pupils dilated so much I couldn't see the yellow surrounding his irises.

"She'll what, Gamzee? Who?" But he was whining, growling and scratching at his neck. The collar was glowing a golden aura. He was being shocked.

He lunged at me from across the table, grabbing my shoulders and attempting to shred them up. He was doing a pretty good job, for my shoulders were on fire, wetness seeping into the short sleeves of my shirt. I knew it was even more blood. I was bleeding a lot today, wasn't I? "Gamzee! _Gamzee, stop_!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. It seemed to make him still against me, and he slowly, tentively, eased off of me.

"Oh, mother _fuck_!" And then he was out the door, or what was left of it.

I immediately jumped up to follow after him, not even caring about the acute pain in my shoulders, or the mess that was my shirt. When I swung around the door frame to look outside, down the street, he was gone. I never knew Gamzee could run so fast.

I walked into the bathroom to decipher the damage done to me. I stared into my broken mirror, notefull of the scratches lining my forehead and cheeks, as well as my chin. My shoulders were in tatters, red blood still gushing from the wounds Gamzee's huge, sharp-ass claws dug into me. My shirt had various strips of fabric absent from the chest area. My legs seemed untouched.

Gosh, Tavros was going to have a cow tomorrow. 

I bandaged myself up and threw my shirt away. It was useless now. Not even Kanaya could save my _favorite_ goddamn shirt. I walked up the stairs with only a bra and underwear on. I was going to take a well-needed shower anyway.

The water was going to be a bitch to my cuts, though.

The closet was as messy as my mind. Which is exactly how I liked it. The messier, the easier to find things I needed, for some weird reason.

I picked out my usual pajamas, even though they were more fitted for kids. So I ended up ditching those and settling for a white wife-beater and Dave's plain red boxers. I almost broke down then and there again, but I pulled myself together eventually, picking myself off the floor.

While I felt the water for the shower, I thought about tomorrow. I would see Karkat for the first time in nearly six years. I would also be kicking ass. I smiled at the thought, not even caring about the water scalding my hand. I even laughed a little, something I haven't done in forever.

I stepped into the shower without testing it, like jumping into the pool without seeing if it was way too cold. This water, however, was boiling lava hot. And it was misery for my shoulders. Other than that, the water was hot enough to melt all of the dirt, grime, blood, and sweat away. But, so some reasons, the heat would never make my pain go away.

I stepped out after about twenty minutes. There was no need to spend too long a time in the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror. Thank goodness I don't bruise easily, because I was so sore from my little encounter with Gamzee.

But I couldn't make myself angry. It wasn't his fault for being enslaved by an unknown person; an unknown _girl_. I'd have to tell Tavros and whoever else was with our little rescue party, the important piece of information. And when Tavros finds out about what this girl is doing to our friends, he is going to be in a very bad mood.

And it won't be pretty.

I found myself humming the tune _Cancer_ , which usually calms my nerves. If only the song wasn't so dang sad. My head hit the pillow with a sigh. I was surely going to dream about kicking a girl's ass tonight.

I smiled at the thought, again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dang, this chapter was the result of something called writer's block. I mean, I never planned Gamzee to be in this story in the first place! Anyway, enjoy the shortish chapter.


	4. I'll Carry This Flag to the Grave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which a terribly interpreted Karkat enters the slow-going story. Just how I like it.

I woke up the next morning to someone ringing my _doorbell_ relentlessly. I've never heard anyone use my doorbell before. They always knocked. So this must have been really _important_. I ran down the stairs like lightning, ripping the door open with the hand that didn't have scratches all over them.

Tavros smiled sheepishly at me, staring at my door, which was in pieces on my carpet. Well, _duh_. Of course he couldn't knock. There was no door. He rushed right next to me a split second after this realization, and grabbed my arm. He stared at my bandages, which were soaked in blood. "Did someone try to kidnap you?" He asked hesitantly, just like his feather-light touches on my ruined bandages. "Where do you keep your first-aid kit?" He sounded more like a soldier there.

It made me smile.

"Hall closet by the stairs." I held my scowl, even though my shoulders started burning like the flames of hell. "And fuck, ow, dude." Then I heard laughing on the other side of the threshold.

"Jade motherfucking Harley swearing. I never thought I'd ever get the chance to see the day that you would cuss, more over saying, 'The hell with it! I'll just cut all profanities and go straight to the f-word _'_. It's so fucking _weird_." It was a sarcastic sentence, vaguely familiar. Like a certain person with grey text with all-caps types like.

But before I could get any snarky remarks out to the not-so-much-a-stranger, I felt a sudden vice grip on my arm. It hurt like _fuck_. "Shit!" I nearly screamed.

"Sorry. Karkat, make yourself useful and get some bandages from the kit." And seeing Karkat flash by my eyes like that made me disoriented. 

"Oh my god. Are you fucking serious? You're closet is a gogdamn mess, Harley." Yup, that was Karkat alright.

"Shut up, dude." I hissed when Tavros ripped my sleeve off, making my arms twitch. I didn't know they were injured, too.

"Who would do this kind of damage? Do you know who did this to you?" Tavros looked frantic. "I mean, did they come to kill you instead of take you with them?"

"Not--uh--Exactly." I didn't want to tell Gamzee's best friends that he tried to... do whatever he was going to do to me. Was he trying to kill me?  

"Well? Spit it out, Jade. We're kind of working on _nothing_ to getting our friends out fucking alive. Do you know what it did to me knowing that John gogdamn Egbert and Vriska, of all people, were kidnapped? I'm surprised I even cared about that nooksucker!" Karkat's voice was like venom, but he honestly sounded worried. I felt an unexpected warmth settle in my chest.

I resisted the urge to cough the feeling out. Like it ever could. "Karkat, hush. But he's right, Jade. We need all the information we can get. I mean, the guys I took care of yesterday I didn't even recognize. But, with the way you're fidgeting; did you know who nearly killed you yesterday?" Tavros asked, still working on my shoulders.

"God, I still can't believe you were a fucking General, Nitram. And you too, Harley? Well?" Karkat's expression seemed... softer than before.

"It was Gamzee, alrgiht! He's the one who attacked me!" I yelled in Karkat's face, even though he was like three feet away from my shaking body. "But, but he had this collar on that would shock him and make him like, lose himself. And then he'd attack me, and I'd keep snapping him out of it. He ended up leaving because he was afraid something worse would happen. But whoever is doing this is a girl. I couldn't get him to say who, though."

"Oh god, Gamzee!" Tavros looked like he was about to melt in his seat. "I didn't know they were being tortured! I mean, that's awful!"

"You motherfucking know it, my main brother." Gamzee spoke, holding Karkat's own sickle to said man's throat. "It's about time we all up and have ourselves a little motherfucking reunion."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Karkat's entrence, everybody. I felt that I didn't get his personality on the spot, but then again, Jade isn't even happy like she was in the game. So I just made up a reason why he's different... whiiiiiich will be revealed in the next chapter! Woo!  
> Oh, and this was also writer's block. :P


	5. 'Cause It's a Flag That I Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So.... Everything seems according to plan then something else happens, which expectedly ends in a cliff-hanger.

I stood my ground, ready to strife if I had to. If I needed my rifle or Dave's shitty sword, I had enough skill and practice to take Gamzee down without killing him. But I felt a little panicked, and my hands were shaking like leaves on the ground in the fall on a windy day. A soldier--a _General_ \--would never be nervous in these situations. But this wasn't some stranger in a house that was about to get their throat slit. This was Karkat and Gamzee, two great friends that swore a lot and pretty much dominated the game. But this wasn't a game. If Karkat was murdered, he wouldn't magically come back to life because the death would be pointless. He would remain dead.

I would be screaming if I were him. But he was almost passive, calm and collected, like having a sickle to your throat was something normal that happened on a regular basis. Even as the pressure of the blade cut into his skin a little, his face looked unnerving. He looked like his was sleeping with his eyes open! Was he in a state of shock? Just as I was going to confirm that suspicion, Karkat sighed. He fucking _sighed_!

"Shoosh, Gamzee, shoosh." Karkat cooed, raising his hands to the back of his head to pat one of Gamzee's cheeks. When the blade of the sickle sliced through one of his hands, he didn't even wince. As bright red blood spilled on the floor, Gamzee's glazed eyes cleared over, ending whatever trance he was in.

"Oh my god, Karkat! What did I all up and do? _Shiiiit_!" Gamzee collapsed to the floor, dropping the sickle beside him. I scooped it up and place it where Gamzee couldn't reach it in his state. "I came here to motherfucking help you, and look what I did to your motherfucking hand!" Karkat sunk to the ground with Gamzee, hugged him and patted his head, hair, face, anywhere he could reach.

"It's okay, Gamzee. Shoosh."

In the corner of my eye, I saw Tavros visibly relax, following with a please sigh. "Karkat calms the Bard of Rage yet again." Tavros interjects, clasping his hands together like a toddler happy with a gift they just got for Christmas.

"Tavbro! So good to see you!" And with that, Gamzee practically bombarded Tavros with a hug that would break a human's rib. It was good that trolls were tougher than humans.

I stared at the two friends embracing for all of two seconds before turning my attention to the injured man to the right of me. He had a solemn look on his face, his expression void of any anger or rage like he normally had. He slowly rose from the ground, mindful of his diced hand. I was surprised to see all of his fingers were still intact. And then he looked at me, tearing his eyes away from Gamzee almost painfully.

"It's such a shame that I had to give up Quadrants to live on this planet." He paused, looking extremely caring and mournful. "Gamzee would still be my moirail." His facial expression changed to his usual anger, then pain. "Now I know why I chose those sickles to strife with in the first place! _Fuck_!" He grabbed his bleeding hand with his unharmed one, resulting in a loud hiss of pain. "Bad idea, bad _idea_! Why am I such an idiotic fuckass who can't do anything right?" His face scrunched up some more when he drew his hands away from each other. From the way Karkat looked in that moment, something happened in my chest that I was all-too familiar with. And I couldn't but pity him for that on second.

"Let me help." I announced. I walked over to him with fresh bandages. But when I saw the damage, I almost broke into a grin of relief. His injury wasn't that bad at all! I guessed trolls just bleed more than humans. "Let's go to the bathroom and wash the blood off." I ordered. I usually get like this to soldiers who have been shot or stabbed with a blade.

"Forward much, Harley?" Karkat laughed, a deep rumble in his chest. "I'm just kidding. You'd be surprised how much I've changed since Terezi left me." Then his expression darkened, his usual scowl present. "That bitch made me a terrible person ever since I met her nook licking ass! But now her poison has left me." And then he plopped on the toilet seat, obviously beat. "I can't even look at myself in the mirror and think 'Hey, I'm decent', anymore. It's so gogdamn frustrating. I hate myself even more than I usually do, yet I don't snap at people much anymore. So confusing,"

"Interesting."

"Jade, I swear. If you tell anyone about this, I will kill you in the most painful way you humans can manage to feel." And then he fell silent, which was pretty much a relief. Karkat was different then he was when I was thirteen. He used less profanities and insults, and he felt worse about himself than ever before.

I wanted to change that.

 

 

~~

 

 

When I was done with Karkat, he didn't move from the seat. I stared at him for a little while, and it seemed he was spaced out, staring at the tiles of the floor in my bathroom. Then his eyes flickered up to me, then to the walls, eventually resting on my shattered mirror.

"... The fuck happened to that thing?" He asked, but I was too busy covering his mouth with my hand before he could get any louder. I could admit that my actions were fit for a mad woman, but I didn't want anyone to know just how bad I was grieving.

"Great, now we have bounties on each other. If you say anything about me punching my own mirror because of my disgust with myself, I will finish the job Gamzee attempted on your neck." We stared each other down for a good five minutes before I realized my hand was still on Karkat's face.

"Jegus Harley. I wasn't going to say anything in the first place."

"Good. I didn't want to go commando on your ass." I smiled a little before making it disappear into my list on forbidden facial expressions in the back of my mind.

"Yeah, right. Like you could ever."

"Come on, motherfuckers! We gotta up and get outta here before someone else finds us!" We both heard Gamzee holler from the kitchen.

I dragged Karkat's still form with me despite his half-hearted efforts to claw my face off. He must have been up to his neck in terrible thoughts right now. I mean, he just digged up unwanted memories of whatever painful thing that happened between him and Terezi. I didn't want to disturb him, because I wouldn't want him prying my heart open with questions about my coping with Dave's death.

When I entered the kitchen, Gamzee was dangling a keychain in Tavros's face. "We'll just go up to the motherfucking headquarters or whatever that bitch all up and calls that _place_ in my car. How'd you think I got here, anyway?"

"Um, well. Uhh," For once since I met Tavros again, he was stuttering like a fool. Not like I was complaining. It was more of a welcome thing, since it brought back many awkward, painful, but really good memories. "You're a really fast runner, Gamz." His face turned a shade of rusty brown, and it was the cutest thing I have ever seen Tavros do, like a child.

Gamzee's laughter seemed to boom through the house, and I can swear I felt the ground shake beneath me. "I know, but if I came all up and showed up here without a motherfucking car, how would you guys manage?" Gamzee chuckled again, this time with lighthearted delight.

"I could fly." Tavros answered, like he was used to this retarded-assed question. He let out his wings from _somewhere_ and Karkat was gasping. Did he seriously not know?

"Holy shit, Tavros! What the fuck?" Guess not.

Ignoring Karkat's many questions that flowed from his mouth like fucking carbon dioxide or some shit, I added,

"I have a car, too, Gamzee. Even if I don't use it much."

"Or at all." Karkat spat.

"Oh, okay; shut the fuck up."

"Sorry, chicka." Gamzee pocketed his keys. "We could use your car because no one that associated with _the bitch_ would know anything about your motherfucking car. We wouldn't be spotted!" His smile was vibrant and truimphant.

"It's okay! No need to apologize!" I walked over and clapped a hand on Gamzee's shoulder assuringly. "And what a brilliant plan! I'll go get the keys from my dresser upstairs. I'll be right back." I shot for the stairs even before the last word slipped from my mouth.

I entered my bedroom with sweat forming at the back of my neck. Was I feeling feelings? Did I fall to the earth with my hands in the air in surrender, to hear my own conscience growl at me from the shadows? _You're an idiot, Jade Harley. You have no idea what you are feeling for this man. You don't like him, love him, or feel anything you felt for Dave towards him, period. Dave is the only man for you, and you ruined anything with him besides a shortlived marriage with him and then letting him_ die _in your goddamn arms, you fuckass. You don't deserve to love anyone else unplatonically again. And besides, the only two-dimensional emotion you'll ever have for Vantas is pity._

But an even more annoyed voice in my heart told me otherwise. _You had feelings for Karkat in the game, Harley. Even before you loved Dave. You just didn't want to see it. This is your chance at happiness, Jade. When you fall so deeply in love with Karkat you'll be blind, embrace the feeling you long needed in this mess that is your life. Feel it, Jade._ Feel the love.

I felt a little calmer when I walked down the stairs with my car keys clasped in my right hand for dear life. Karkat was the first one to look at me, his expression soft and still hurting. Is this his default expression like the scowl he wore on his face so many years before? Should I feel love, hate, platonic pity? Should I believe my conscience or my heart?

God, this was very difficult to process. I decided to ignore these too-soon emotions and thoughts until a much later note, like after I saved John or some shit. This must have been a blast from the past, because if I feel this way about someone so soon after seeing them after so many years, I must be desperate. But Karkat might be, too.

I walked to a sorry excuse for a frontdoor, gliding past it with ease. But as soon as I stepped onto the warm concrete outside in the real world, I secretly started freaking out. I haven't left my house in what seemed like ages. What was I supposed to do? The sun was too bright, the atmosphere was too hot and humid. Wasn't it, like, winter? Fuck Texas.

_Turn away_.

No, never. I would never turn away from friends in serious need. Dammit, conscience. You suck so bad, so many bad strawberries that just pop in your mouth like catfish eyeballs. _Ew_! _What the fuck is wrong with me?_ Oh god, I was freaking out over the feelings I may or may not have for one Karkat Vantas.

But no one seemed to notice my private breakdown, for my pokerface I've mastered for a good six years in the army didn't even crack. I yanked the driver's door open, motioning everybody to come along and enter the car as well.

Karkat slid in next to me, his face blushing. His cheeks were a dusty red that seemed to bounce off of his skin. Wait, why was Vantas blushing? _Why the fuck was Karkat blush--_

And then something crashed through the sunroof, landing on Karkat's face, growling and tearing at his chest. He quickly pushed whatever the hell it was off of him, and I recognized a grey troll body, a green trenchcoat, a tail...

"Nepeta?!" Karkat simply whispered in horror, completely aghast. Which was answered with her leaning down and biting his shoulder, her teeth sinking into his flesh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh geeze, Nepeta wasn't even supposed to be in this fic either!!!   
> Well, this is the result of me not having writer's block, which ended with a long chapter, another surprise character, and of course, another shitty--excuse my language--cliffhanger.   
> So, enjoy your read :P


	6. And a Flag That I Trust

Karkat's screams caused me to bolt out the driver's door, run to the passenger side, practically rip the door open, and haul Nepeta out. She kicked and screamed as I pulled her out of the car, and she finally swiped my face with one of her blue claws or whatever the fuck--

Oh _shit_ that burns!

I held my face in my hands as the blood seeped out from between my fingers. Thank god I got out of the way before she could cut any deeper. It was mostly just a shallow cut on the cheek. Nothing a band-aid couldn't handle. But I realized I was yelling cuss words at nobody in particular because holy fucking shit that stings like... Did she douse her fucking plastic claws or whatever with fucking lemon juice before she came down here to bother us?

From the look on her smug face, I was totally right. "You cat obessed freak!" I yelled, lunging at her. She was caught off-guard, too busy snickering to notice that I wrestled her to the ground, trying to punch her, kick her, anything to make her _leave_ or something.

A hand grasped my shoulder like a vice grip, and I was flung off of Nepeta. "I think I'll handle this now, my main motherfucker." Gamzee called back, sounding... frustrated? "Go check on Karkat."

And I did just that, peering around the car to see if Karkat slid out of it and somehow landed on the ground, but he was just sitting in the seat, holding his chest. Blood was dripping all over the seat, his clothes. "Oh my god, Karkat! Are you okay?"

"No, I'm not fucking okay, Harley! Because, because--nevermind. You wouldn't understand. And no, I don't need to go to the inane excuse for a gogdamn hospital." The bandage on his hand was gone, and there was only scars on his hand, now. Trolls _did_ heal faster than humans!

"You sure?"

" _Fuck_ \--Yes."

I yanked his arms away from his torso to examine the damage done. I got a hiss in response. Still, it wasn't too bad. While examining further, I absentmindedly started filling in the awkward silence with random sentences. "I think I was too hard on Nepeta. I mean, she did try to shred my face apart with her weird claw things, but I seriously almost lost it back there. If Gamzee hadn't cut in, I would--I might have--"

I froze when I felt Karkat's hand on my bloody cheek. "What the hell happened..." And he was leaning into me, and I swear to god I almost died.

I whipped my head around abruptly, leading Karkat's nose to bury in my hair. I instantly regretted it. But I forgot pretty much everything when I witnessed Gamzee's passionate kiss.

... With Nepeta.

"Oh my god!" I cried, the shock gone, replaced by mild terror and well-rounded happiness. Such an unexpected couple! "I never knew!" I ran up to group hug them, and Nepeta collapsed in my shoulder before I could even outstretch my arms.

"Oh my goodness! I am so sorry! I didn't know what was happening to me! Please furrgive me?" And her eyes were so pitiful and adorable I couldn't stay mad.

Why would I? She was under a spell or something, I guess. "No, no! It's so not your fault! Honest!" I hugged her tightly before letting go, because she smelled terribly like catnip. She didn't look like she noticed, though.

"Oh, gosh. I can't believe this!" Nepeta looked around, staring at my car, which looked normal even though there was a gaping hole in the ceiling. Her gaze flickered to me, holding some kind of embarrassment. She then looked at Karkat, and saw what she'd done. "Karkitty! No! I didn't mean to, I--"

"It's fine, Nep." He said a little too fast. "Can you tell us why you're here, though? That would be pretty helpful." His eyes spoke an unspoken plead, something I probably didn't know about.

"Anything to make up furr what I did to you." She bounced to his side, taking him into a half hug, before running back to Gamzee. He set a hand on her shoulder possively, saying that she was his, and he was hers. "Well, the, uhh, _bitch_ was wondering why Gamzee was taking so long. So she sent me to figure out what was up. Along the way, the men with me started noticing how worried I looked, so they shocked me." Her eyes looked more and more ferocious with every word she spoke.

"Those motherfuckers."

"We have to move quickly before something worse happens to us." I suggested, and everyone but Nepeta piled into my car. "Aren't you coming, Nep?" I asked hesitantly.

"I have to go and report to _her_. I'll just make up something to cover for Gamzee's disappearance. I'll firgure something out." And with that Nepeta was running away at a blinding speed. Maybe I could follow her. And when I would lose her, Gamzee could tell me the rest of the way to go.

It was a plan that wasn't bulletproof, but it would have to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so five things to cover.  
> One: Writer's block.  
> Two: Probably the shortest chapter so far.  
> Three: The only chapter that didn't introduce a new character... so far.  
> Four: Tavros wasn't in the chapter for some odd reason. I'm just gonna say he fell alseep in the car.  
> Five: This fic is getting more views than I would have ever hoped, but I can't help wondering if you guys like it, don't like it, or whatever. So a lot of the pressure I'm feeling right now would be lifted if I got some feedback. (comments would be appreciated) I just want to know if I'm on the right track, here.  
> Oh, and one more thing: This is the last day of Spring Break, so I won't be adding chapters daily anymore.


	7. I Kicked in the Door

We were all in the car ten minutes later, after telling Tavros what had happened. Apparently, he fell asleep not two seconds after we were in the car the first time. "I haven't slept in, uhh, two days, probably." He had said, which shocked the rest of us.

Karkat settled in the passenger seat yet again, and I couldn't help but feel nervous. I stayed tense, wondering what might happen or what won't happen for a good fifteen minutes, before finally getting onto a highway almost a fucking hour later. _Fuck. Texas._ I don't even know how Dave ever managed to live in this place his whole goddamn life. I would rather live in a shitty igloo in the middle of Alaska than live here my entire existence as a human being.

Gamzee told me the address of a hotel he was staying at; close to the place our friends (and whoever else we don't even know about) were held captive at. It was maybe a four hour drive to the fucking _Holiday Inn_. It wasn't even remotely around Christmas, dude.

"It was the only decent hotel around." He shrugged, not really caring.

Then why should I?

I had too many thoughts going around in my head. They bounced of the walls of my cranium, and it made my head hurt. I needed a break. I was attacked maybe three times in the length of two days, and I got four hours of sleep that whole time.

In about two hours in, it was difficult just to keep my damn eyes open. My steering was less steady, and I swerved more than twice. It was unmistakenly dark outside from the whacked up time scale, and everyone was asleep. The road was deserted, and I didn't see any cars coming up the many hills that outlined farm crops and landscape that advertized utter nothingness.

It made me shiver.

"It's my turn to drive, Harley. You obviously need to rest." Karkat's crisp voice made my groggy mind snap awake almost painfully. I even jumped a little. _Letting your guard down? Shame on you, Jade!_ My conscience practically screamed in my face, its invisible fists pounding into my thighs.

"Fine," I said dryly, pulling over into a ditch.

That's when I noticed someone was following us closely behind, and they stopped a few meters ahead of my car, the engine stopping. It was a fucking _Explorer_ , for god's sake. I kind of had the right to panic. I backed away, to the back of the car cooly, nonchalant. But my mind was everywhere at once, and I felt like I was having a bitchin' hangover.

Karkat was right next to me by the time I was crouching at the back of the car like I wasn't even there. I had to think of a plan. Hell, I didn't even know who was even in the vehicle in front of us. They could be a friend, and foe, or some random stalker that decided to follow me, today of all days.

"Gotta plan?" Karkat whispered, and I shook my head furiously.

But then my mind did something truly miraculous. Click. I could barely hear the gears turning inside my head. I quietly brought my hand up to the trunk, popping it open as soundlessly as I could. I reached inside blindly, retrieving my--Dave's--no-so-shitty sword. "We fight."

Karkat's sickles appeared out of practically nowhere, and I was honestly speechless. He held them firmly in his hands, his eyes burning with fury and a hint of uncertainty. Maybe he thought there was some sliver of hope that whoever was on the other side of my car was somehow a friend, or complete stranger. Not some assasin or some shit.

At the same time, I whipped the tips of feet around, still in a crouching position, while Karkat charged. I managed to get _on top_ of my car, run from the back to the front in two long strides, and land with a _thud_ on the dusty road.

My headlights were the only source of light in the whole area, (besides the moon) since I didn't turn the ignition off. And for once, I was grateful for my carelessness.

Two bodies of blackness stepped out of the gigantic truck-like-thing, and started walking towards us. I heard a crackling noise of bare energy before having the sword in my hands ripped from my grasp. I would have screamed if I didn't know who could ever do that. My sword was surrounded my blue energy, and Karkat's sickles were surrounded by red.

Sollux.

"Geez, KK. Can you get any more pitiful?" Sollux said with a smirk in his voice, for I couldn't see his face clearly yet.

"Way to be blunt, Captor. Now gemme my sickles back, asswipe." Karkat retorted just as quickly.

"Can you guys quit for just a second? Goodness, they could have genuinely been scared. Are you okay, Jade?" I recognize that voice as Aradia Megido's, the (apparently) creepy ghost girl from the game.

"Just thought you guys were trying to kill us." I laughed sarcasticly.

"Can we get a fucking award out here for Ms. Harley? She deserves one for being able to pull off sarcasm after so many god awful years."

"Shut your trap, Vantas." Aradia snapped. She turned to me right after that sentence, honest concern in her huge eyes. "We were trying to follow you to the hotel, then tell you guys we were going to help you rescue our friends. Sorry it didn't go as expected. Why did you pull over, anyway?"

"Karkat wouldn't shut up about letting him drive."

"He would only crash you guyth." Sollux snickered quietly, while Aradia whacked him on the head affectionately.

~~

So I had more confidence about this supposed rescue mission now that I knew Sollux and Aradia were going to help us. The more the merrier, right? But I couldn't help noticing Aradia having visible scars on her neck. Did she escape from that place with Sollux's aide? I didn't want to pry.

While trapped in my thoughts, I noted that Karkat was still talking to Sollux and Aradia with almost glee? He seemed much happier than I've ever seen him since I saw him again. I busied myself with messing with the rearview mirror and adjusting the air vents to my liking. My mind was somehow occupied with these useless tasks, even though I still felt the need to run out of the car and catch Karkat in a tight embrace.

But wait, I still needed to clean off my dashboard and check my phone for much needed voicemails.

I was about to sigh from my hopelessness at being the lovestruck goofball I used to be when I was married, but there _was_ a blinking icon in the center of the screen of my phone, informing me I had a text.

I was too quick to open it. I found myself choking on my own blood as I bit my tongue really, really fucking hard. But it did nothing to mask the twisted feeling in my chest and gut at what John sent me less than ten minutes ago.

_Fuck jade ouhjipohkjh helpme i cqnt fuxking BREATHE_

That's what it read. John was fucked. I didn't even understand most of the text, but I got the gist of it. I was hyperventilating so hard my throat was chafed dry. My hands were shaking and this isn't what generals were supposed to look like when they panic but I didn't fucking care because my brother was very likely dying or already dead oh my god oh my--

"Jade! What the everloving fuck is wrong with you?!" Karkat was practically screaming in my ear and I didn't even notice _shit_.

I just stared at him until I unthinkingly thrust my phone in his hands, which were still shaking like leaves. As I watched him read the text his eyes got bigger and bigger until they practically bugged out of his head. "I have to drive." I said so quietly I was surprised Karkat even heard me.

"No, Jade. You'll crash us for sure."

"If I don't drive I will scratch my own goddamn eyes out, dammit. I need to drive, Karkat. I need to distract myself." I gripped his shoulders as my tears finally-- _finally_ \--came coursing down my face. My sobs ripped through my body and I shivered from it. "Fuck it, nevermind. But you have to talk to me the whole time or something, I have to--"

"I will," Karkat promised, his voice hoarse. I looked up to see his face, and what I saw shocked me. He was blushing so fucking hard I could almost feel the heat on his face.

"Uh, okay." I climbed out of the driver's seat and circled around the car to the passenger side, yanking the door open with way too much force.

As Karkat started the car, I tried not to imagine John's demise in a million different cases


	8. I Yelled My Commands

I kept my knees to my chest, trying not to let my mind wander. But that was almost impossible to do, since I had nothing else _to_ do. My mind went a million miles a minute, it seemed like, and most of it had something to do with John. _What was that text for? Is he still alive? Oh god oh god--_

But Karkat kept his promise, and talked my ear off. I didn't mind. I welcomed the distraction of watching his pitch black lips move with the words he was forming fluidly, like he was a politician or something. My eyes moved up to his eyes, and I stared at them like I heard what he was saying, but I was actually concentrating on how his small as _fuck_ \--pupils gazed right back at me, knowing. Knowing that I had fallen in love with him.

But I wouldn't will myself to think about something so motherfucking obvious. I knew I had loved him from the start, but I ignored the fluttery feeling in my body that warmed every living part of me for the sake of being loyal to Dave. But I knew that was a ridiculous way to think, because Dave would want me to move on. He sure would after a time if the positions of fate were to be reversed. But now that I had come to terms with my feelings, the conscience that had nagged in my brain about how _stupid_ I was to fall in love with someone other than Dave, was gone.

But I had no way of knowing if Karkat knew what I had just confirmed within myself. "Harley."

I didn't realize he asked a question I was obviously supposed to answer before I snapped back to reality like greased lightning. "W--what?" I asked, feeling like an idiot.

"I asked you a question."

"I'm sorry, I wasn't listening. I was thinking about something else."

"So talking to you for forty five minutes about absolutely nothing of importance was for _nothing_?" Karkat looked furious at me, but more at himself.

"No! I wasn't thinking about John." I felt my cheeks raise about ten degrees higher for fuck's sake, but Karkat either didn't notice, or took pity on my and didn't say anything about it.

"Well. I wanted to know why you moved in with Strider in Texas when the state is the most terrible one fucking--ever."

I paused, trying to put together an answer that made as much sense as possible. I didn't want to act like I was just thinking about Karkat's lips and was caught staring at them. My face heated up again. "Dave didn't want to live at a giant island while deployed and I didn't blame him." I stated this simply, surprisingly crisp, in which I was proud of myself.

"Oh,"

We said in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, letting the subject drop. But me being a derp, I brought it up again a few minutes later. "Where do _you_ live, Vantas?"

I tried not to laugh when I saw the shade of Karkat's face contort to a deep carmine in a matter of seconds. I failed.

"Sh--shut up!"

"Oh come on. Is it that bad? Did you live somewhere dumb, like Kentucky or some shit?"

He took a deep breath, and what he said next would leave me screaming with laughter for the next ten years. "New York City."

" _What_? Oh my god," I practically fell apart laughing, and I was glad I wasn't the fuming troll sitting in the driver's seat. "Why would you even think of living there? Everyone are assholes there--oh."

"Fuck you!" And then we were both laughing, but Karkat had to control his spasms at least a little, for he was at the wheel. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooooh. Four kudos. That was unexpected. So I was thinking that this fic was a dud since you guys apparently didn't take pity on my nervousness and comment and such, but then this guy kudos my work, so they're pretty much the reason I finished this chapter.  
> So I'm estimating hmmmm. Seven more chapters? We'll see how that goes.  
> Oh, and sorry for the short chapter. But seriously? Some support, readers? That would be greatly appreciated.


	9. A Hero of War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A blast to the past, a few years before this story was taken place.

I lowered my sword, appreciating the familiar warmth from the sun beating down on my baking arms. It felt good to hold an extension of my arms, severed by the air I knew how to take advantage of.

I took a quick look at my surroundings, silently soaking up the scene before my eyes. I was standing in a plain, flowerless field with yellow grass that would crunch beneath my feet. The once virtually colorless ground was now covered in blood, all the colors of the rainbow, since troll blood could be any color. I didn't smile. My knees wouldn't give away underneath me, either. The horizon was bombarded with falling bodies that still on impact with the ground. The thing that made my sword go on to kill mercilessly is the fact that at least a quarter of those bodies were my allies. My friends.

"Harley, twelve o'clock to your left." Yelled my husband. He didn't sound frantic, but I could feel the slight anxiousness in his voice, the nervous tone that rolled off his tongue.

I whipped my body around forcelessly, spinning on my heel like I was in the middle of a fancy dance, not a blood-filled battle. 

It was hard to ignore the fact, since there was rainbow everywhere, threatening me to go blind with all the bright colors. I could smell it, feel it, taste the bloody air in my jaws, the way they tingle with anticipation. There was blood everywhere that wasn't mine. I was unscathed. 

I always felt that time seemed to slow down when I go in for a kill. Every time. I sliced the boy that was advancing on me in half vertically, dragging my sword upwards, crushing his bones almost smoothly. The boy was so small. Probably barely sixteen. I looked away as I did this, even though it wasn't the smartest thing to do when killing someone, trying not to ogle at the various organs spewing out of his disessembled body. I felt his warm blood splatter onto my face, and I didn't even flinch.

"Thanks for the warning, Dave!" I all but squealed, a little excited-sounding, but everyone knew it was a facade to hide the hysteria that was clawing at me from every angle. I couldn't stop thinking of that kid. I must have looked solemn, because Dave cleared his throat.

"No problem, babe." I hated it when he called me babe, but I knew he was saying that to help me forget all the lives I was taking. We fought back-to-back, our bodies brushing against each other to assure we were still close together.

We didn't want to lose each other. 

After awhile, the number of enemies started to lower significantly, and I knew this battle would be over soon enough. I sighed in relief, taking a second to stare at the moon, which was now hanging high in the sky, letting us know just how long we were all fighting.

I saw a few enemies charging at us from afar, and I knew if I just leaped a few times, I would be able to just, get them over with. I did just that, squeezing Dave's hand with my free hand to let him know that I was leaving, and would be back soon.

He could never doubt me, because we both knew that we had more experience in fighting for our lives than any of our allies put together. And I would never dream of doubting him.

I ended all their lives with one fatal swoop, because they were squashed together in a line. That was their one mistake that cost their lives.

"Jade!"

It took me half a second to swallow and glance at my husband, who was on the ground with a sword through his chest. Shit.

I was at his side before I could even blink. "Dave, Dave oh my god! What happened?" A troll was dead on top of him, and I pushed him off without any effort at all. "Talk to me."

His chest was covered in blue and red blood. His blood. The double-sided sword was still in his chest, and I didn't dare pull it out. He was completely impaled, and I couldn't help but stare. I also cried silently. I hoped Dave wouldn't notice.

His bloody hands clasped mine without a grip. They were just limp, and I gripped them so hard it was amazing how his fingers didn't break. He didn't seem to notice. "Don't cry, Harley. You can't give me that look, not now. I'm... I'll be--" I kissed his pale lips briefly, to get him to shut up, but he grabbed my hair weakly, to try and keep me there. "Look at me, Jade. You need to be strong for me. I didn't marry you to be a blubbering mess when this would happen."

It took me a few seconds to grasp what he was saying. But my brain burned with fury when I finally got his gist. "You knew this would happen?! What the hell, Dave?" He moved his hands to rest on my cheeks, which were red and covered in tears.

"I'm not the Knight of Time for nothing." He laughed once, a choking sound. "Trust me, everything will fill out soon enough." He closed his eyes.

"Dave? Dave, no!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. I gripped his limp sides, sobbing into his shoulder, holding his corpse close to me, hoping he would come back.

But he wasn't coming back.

The love of my life was dead, and he was gone.

And for the first time since I came into this world, I felt utterly alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because of this chapter, I think I'll change the rating the Mature. The killings were kind of graphic to me in this one.  
> And is it weird that this was the easiest chapter I had to write?   
> Hmmm.


	10. Yeah, That's What I'll Be

I woke up with a start, looking around me to see where I was. I momentarily forgot that I was in my own car, just dozing off for awhile. I looked over at Karkat, who was messing with the volume on the radio. I reached out and touched his hand, earning a slight stinging sensation when he pulled it back instinctively. 

“Hey.” I managed to say, sitting up a little more to survey the land. It was getting a bit light outside. It could be around six or seven in the morning. “Sorry I fell asleep on you.”

“Only for ten minutes, Harley. It was already five-thirty when you conked out like, like a light. I know, a stupid metaphor.” He rolled his eyes at himself, straightening his slouched posture and gripping the wheel a little tighter.

“You’re tired as fuck.”

“Fuck you. No, I’m not.”

“Pull over; I’m driving.”

“Over my dead body.”

“You want me to grab this tempting sword in the backseat over by Gamz? Yeah, shut the fuck up. I’m driving, end of story.”

“No.”

“Yes. You‘re tired as sh—”

“No! I‘m not going to—”

“Yes!”

“N—” 

I quickly looked around the road quickly, feeling relief in having it empty, save for Aradia’s Explorer. I grabbed the wheel and turned it to the right as hard as I could. I got a scared as fuck scream in response. How could Gamzee and Tavros sleep through this crap? Oh yeah, complete and utter exhaustion.

“ARE YOU TRYING TO GET US KILLED?!”

I laughed when we skidded to a stop at the edge of the road, letting go of the wheel with jittery hands. “Holy shit, that was exhilarating.” I sighed contentedly, and hauled myself out of the car. I walked over to the driver’s side of the car, yanking the door open and reaching over Karkat quickly to unbuckle his seatbelt.

“Harley! I said no—” I shut him up by gripping the back of his neck and pulling his face so close to mine our noses were touching. But I stayed as far away from his lips as I could manage, because I was aware I could fall into temptation. Immediately, his face flushed with a deep red color. His breath came in labored pants, and I could almost delude myself in that moment that he felt the same way about me I do about him.

“Get. Out. Of. The. Car.” I stated simply, and he scrambled to get out of his seat and into the passenger’s. 

“Jegus, Jade. Don’t scare me like that.” He was rubbing the back of his neck, his blush not yet faded. His voice sounded tight, shaky, like he was afraid he would do something extremely embarrassing any second now, and the clock was ticking freely inside his head.

I could almost feel it.

I drove out of the little ditch I created with my steering, chuckling to myself while struggling to get out of the funk. “What the hell is so funny, Harley?” Karkat snapped, seemingly back to his old self, or, at least how I knew him now.

“Question: why don’t you use your more… colorful language anymore? Just curious. Oh, and it’s none of your beeswax.”

“Ugh, you remind me of Sollux when you say that. He has, like, this obsession with bees or some shit. It’s creepy.”

“Really.”

“Yeah. And back when I was in high school, my teachers and eventually the authorities pretty much threatened me with expulsion if I kept up my ‘dirty mouth’. Fucking cultists…” His hands balled into fists. “I always wondered how after the universe dumped the trolls here, the humans just didn’t give much of a fuck. How does that even work? And I can’t even remember half the shit I used to say. I mean, what the hell am I supposed to do when parts of me start going missing? That’s why I hated school so much, and everyone knew that I felt out of fucking place! Gog.”

“… I don’t know how to respond to that.” I felt a little privileged that Karkat would knock down all the walls he built up to keep everything out just to say that to me. This must have been a very important moment for him, and I may as well have fucked it up just now.

“Like hell you do. I just, needed to get that mini rant out of my chest. It’s been so long since I’ve done something like that. It makes me feel like a huge weight was lifted off my chest.”

“Huh. I never knew rants helped you feel better. Is that why you guys have—or had feelings jams?” I asked, curiosity getting the better of me. “Sorry if that’s too personal.”

“I need the distraction. But yeah, trolls need that type of shit to let it all out.” He was nodding, probably really fucking tired. I wanted to help him get some rest, but he asked me a question that knocked me away.

“So, you never told me about why you punched your mirror. What the hell was up with that, Harley?”

I visibly froze at that moment, in shock. “I told you I’d kill you if you brought it up again. What part of you doesn’t understand that?” I leaned over the seat, hoping to intimidate him.

He didn’t seem fazed. “Just spit it out, Harley. I gave you a slice of my life back in your shitty excuse for a bathroom. So it’s your turn to return the favor.”

I thrust myself back in my seat, angry. I swore to myself I would never tell anyone that doesn’t already know. How could it change in just a few choice days? “No. And that is the end of this conversation.” I huffed stubbornly.

He smiled mischievously. He cupped his ear, giving the illusion he was trying to hear me better. But we both knew damn well that he could hear me perfectly. “What did you say, Harley? I couldn’t quite hear you with all the cluck beast sounds your making.” Karkat taunted me. When he saw the look on my face, however, his expression softened. “I swear to all that is holy in your human race that I will not judge you.”

I sat back in my seat, smiling sadly to myself. I felt defeated for the first time since Dave’s death, and I almost wanted to just let go of this—not so much burden—feeling and just give up trying. What was I trying so hard to accomplish? It’s been so long since I’ve asked myself that question the answer has blurred around the edges until it was lost completely. I’d never admit it, but this feeling scared me. “I blame myself for his death, and as soon as I felt any feeling other than guilt or remorse for how I failed to save his life even though I was right there—” I caught myself, not wanting Karkat to know the gory details of my late husband’s demise. “—I freak out and just, I don’t know.” I would have buried my face in my hands if I wasn’t driving.

“That is so fucking stupid.”

“I know, but that’s the way I was wired to feel. To just blame myself. Dave was the same way.” I sighed heavily, hoping Karkat would take it as a sign that the conversation was over, but he obviously didn’t know anything.

“His death wasn’t your fault at all, Harley. He should be lucky his wife was there by his side to see him die in the first place. You’d be the first person he wanted to see at a time like that, Jade. And he definitely didn’t want this to come out of that. Whatever you think you did that made you deserve this hellish life, you’re wrong. For once, the famous general that seemingly lost her marbles is wrong. Shocker.” He slumped in the passenger seat, folding his arms over his chest. “You can stop fucking yourself over for something he probably knew would happen for years. He wasn’t the Knight of Time for nothing.”

“Don’t ever say that last part again. Those were pretty much the words he said before… oh god.” My eyes welled with tears, and I couldn’t possibly let Karkat know that I was showing such blunt weakness.

He put his hand over mine, a reaction to seeing me cry I would have never expected. He squeezed it tight enough for me to feel a little calmer and okay, weird as it was. “Let it out, Jade. You can finally let go of your guilt.”

I squeezed back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm probably not going to do italics anymore because the format I'm currently using gives me a hard time on trying to get the damn slanted words to work on the finished product, so I might just straight up do caps to emphasize or something until I figure this out. Ugh.  
> Oh and thanks for the feedback! :)  
> It's a great confidence booster.


	11. I'm not putting anymore awesome titles, so sorry (just gonna ramble)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1\. They arrive at Kanaya's house, not a hotel (New character(s)!)  
> 2\. Tags :P  
> 3\. Jade, Karkat, and Gamzee jump into the first rescue mission  
> 4\. I'm actually satisfied with a chapter, woop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm seriously sorry for the, like, holy shit! three month delay, guys. I promise to upload more frequently since it's summer!! :))  
> Anyways, this is like... the fourth to last chapter? I don't know. No promises, 'kay. And I know this isn't one of my best, since I have Writer's Block ALOT on this fic. (And i'm not so good with first person, i just noticed. And I'm more into supernatural writing and shit) So, if it seems... mediocre, yeah, uh. Yeah, sorry again!!

After a little while longer, Karkat reached our destination. Gamzee was awake by then, and he directed us the rest of the way. We ended up in the middle of a shady town in the middle of nowhere, and we didn’t even end up at a proper hotel!

“I just thought that staying at my old friend’s house would be better than checking into a motherfucking hotel like some suspicious fuckers.” He had explained.  
I didn’t really care where we ended up at this point. I just wanted a nice, soft bed to lie on and go the fuck to sleep. Karkat wasn’t having it, however. “Do you honestly think I’m going to be fine with sleeping in some stranger’s bed, in some stranger’s house?! Especially in a town like this?” He yelled, the tips of his pointy ears growing redder.

“Relax my main motherfucker. She contacted me, telling me she needed our help.” He walked past Karkat in his usual wobbly fashion, Tavros following after him.   
I grabbed Karkat’s arm and dragged him with me, giggling a little. Man, I needed to work on the condition of my sanity. “Come on!” He started walking with me hesitantly. “I’m pretty sure Gamzee knows what he’s doing.” I added, not so sure myself all of a sudden.  
Aradia and Sollux followed quickly after into the small, ominous looking house. The smell was instantaneous. The bleach filled my nose like… I don’t even know how to describe it. My eyes were watering by the time the living room came into view. “What the hell happened here?” I asked, wiping my nose with my fist to check if it was bleeding already. No sign of red. Good.

“Like I said, motherfucker; she needs our help.”

I didn’t really want to know anymore.

A woman came into view, her eyes teary and red. “Gamzee?” She rasped. I then realized that she was obviously injured, but something else was definitely apparent. “I’m so glad you’re here!” She continued, looking at all of us. Her green eyes fell on me, and she propelled herself forward, sobbing hard and fast. “Jade Harley… so good to finally see you after all these years.” Her salty tears started soaking through my shirt.

“Kanaya… What happened to Rose?” I asked tentatively. Kanaya and Rose found each other after the game and wanted to live together, secluded. I was never sure why, but now I didn’t need and explanation. “She was kidnapped, wasn’t she.” It wasn’t a question. Her arms tightened around me, closing off my air. I didn’t really mind. Of course I smelled bleach. She was cleaning the floor of Rose’s blood. 

Why were all my friends getting hurt?

“I couldn’t stop them. Even she couldn’t stop him, and she was the one that swore to protect me. They were never after me, however. Why? Why not take me?” She was stammering the entire time. It hurt to look at, to know what her pain feels like.

“Don’t worry. We’ll find her and John as fast as we possibly can! I swear on it.” She squeezed me again, then released me. 

I turned to the tired group, and immediately saw how exhausted everyone was. As I was trying to formulate a plan that wouldn’t make everyone die from being too tired, Kanaya yanked my ear to her mouth. “This is the address they dragged Rose to.” She whispered, clipped and hurried. She thrust a folded piece of paper into the hand hanging limp at my side. I crushed it into a ball as soon as her dainty hand was far enough away.

I had a whole new plan formulating in my brain. “Alright. So who’s awake enough to kick our first set of asses?” I started giggling against my will, which I stopped short. “Raise your hand.” 

With Karkat and Gamzee’s hands in the air, we set off.

 

When I turned to leave Kanaya’s house, she ran up behind me and put something in my other hand. “For good luck,” She reasoned, and sauntered off.  
I looked at the object in my hand, which was capped lipstick. What the hell was I supposed to do with some goddamn lipstick? I put it in my pocket just in case, though.

I strapped myself into my seat, Karkat in the passenger. Gamzee lay sprawled out on the back seats, so I didn’t think he really cared about not being able to ride in the front. I looked at the address, and was shocked. She’s being kept in an abandoned hospital? What the actual fuck? Not questioning the reasoning behind what whoever this person is thinking, I turned the car on and race it out of that driveway like a boss. Or a straight up maniac. Whichever works best is fine with me.

As I was driving to our destination, Karkat decided the start up a conversation. “So, who are we rescuing first?”

“Rose.” Gamzee answered for me, which started up a one-sided argument between them. I was completely fine with that, as long as they could let me think.  
So, this person kidnaps all my friends, mind-controls some of them to kidnap my other not-as-close friends, (presumably) beats them, and puts shock callers on them for no apparent reason. I still can’t wrap my head around why this person is doing these things. Is it to spite me for some reason? Is this one of my enemies from the war that happened some years back? Is this person insane or something? The puzzle pieces are there, and I can’t fit them together without having more questions, and no answers. Could this possibly be a test or a game? A game like—

I snapped out of my reverie just in time to stomp on the breaks because I reached the hospital sooner than I thought I would. The boys (hehe) have long since been quiet, like they knew what I was thinking, and they were asking the same questions in their brains. 

I park in the deserted lot, hands gripping the steering wheel like a lifeline. I mechanically opened my door, barely remembering to pop open the trunk, where Dave’s shitty sword rested at all times. With the exception of times like these where you have to kick some major ass to save one of your bestest friends in the whole paradox universe. You know, normal times.

With the sword perched on my shoulder like Dave taught me, I checked to see if Karkat had sickles and Gamzee his clubs. Everything seemed in check, so I locked up the car securely, got my game-face on, and started walking towards the gaping hospital entrance with no doors in sight.

 

As I entered the dark hallways, all I could think of was:  
It’s show time, motherfuckers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the feedback, and I'll see you in a few days. Hopefully :/

**Author's Note:**

> Oh gosh this is my first piece of work that I bothered to even publish. If this goes good, I'll write a lot and see how that goes. Wish me luck, whoever's brave enough to read my stuff!


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